y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
