I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
