so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
