Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
