There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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