I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My life is pants optional.
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