We need to rekindle our bromance
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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