Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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