3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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