I didn't shave. On purpose
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have already put on my inside pants.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
