I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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