Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize