Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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