Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize