did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
