no, he came in my armpit
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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