found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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