She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
