i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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