my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
