ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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