where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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