I didn't shave. On purpose
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
