So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need a beard to bite.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
