she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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