There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
