I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
