My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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