So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
