My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
