I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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