i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
