I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
