we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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