hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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