so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
