remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.