i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.