Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
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I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.