we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
