that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!