You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night