My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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