i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
