I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
