I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
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this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.