I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.