you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
