My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
vagina is talking i cant
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize