Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
