Cold hands, warm shart.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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