Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
