the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
