dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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