plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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