her vagine was all disorganized.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
