it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
