I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
even my farts smell like vagina
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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