You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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