Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
