what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
