He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
