I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A+ Viking dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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