After last night, I could never be a politician.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
