The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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