before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
