Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
