yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
