My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
