Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
