I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
