I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
