he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How's work?
Spinning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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